Ask me. But. Not Now.

I am always surrounded with people older than me… Let’s say, more on “settling” age, so they have, they are; they will settle. SOON.  And right after it happened, right after they’ve created clips of plan rolling in their head, they would ask me the deadly question, “So when are you gonna get married?”

Boom! In the past 6 months, I was asked maybe around 18 times and last night would count as 19th or 20th. Answer: I do not know. I don’t really know ok? I wish I could just tell straight to that person asking that “Hey, do you know that this is the kind of question I would not want to face at the moment? So just please. Please mind your own business.”

Not because everyone’s tying the knot means that I should too. I have seen marriages that looked like it was the right thing to do at the moment, that just because one’s getting too old to wait around; or the woman’s pregnant.

I do not want to be an instant married woman for the same reason.  There were instances that I doubt. There are things that I am not yet sure of. There are issues that need to be resolved. There are plans that are yet to be made.  And most of all,  I think I still have a long way to go.

When I was young, I thought 2010 would be a big year for me. But just like a child who used to believe in fairytale, I have reached the point of understanding that life isn’t a love story played on film; that the happy ending should come before the 2-hour roll had lapsed.  I used to believe that I would see myself on that scene… till they started showing more realistic endings like that of Blue Valentine… LOL. Or should I say till I started considering that I could graciously carry the status SINGLE if I opt to.

So I hope that last night’s the last… for now.  I know I cannot stop people from asking… but maybe if they just could… Maybe someday.  Maybe not at all.

Because right now, I have a lot going on.. and there are some rediscovering that need to be done.

So in the mean time, let me give you a fixated goofy smile and by that I hope you get that I am not in the mood to answer your not-so-likely question… there is a RIGHT TIME for everything; especially things that are as LIFE-DEFINING as this.

Every ending is just a beginning.

Today is the last day of the first month of 2011.

8% of the whole year had passed. How have you been? How’s that new year resolution going? For years, I would come up with one, but this year, I didn’t have one.

2010 ended on a gloomy sky. There will come a time that you will lose something that fuels your everyday life. On December 19th of last year was the “D” day for me. It shouldn’t really be a surprise, I was given more than two years to prepare for it; but I guess when it is something that would bring you down, no preparation is enough. I was worried. It was dark. I cried.

Today I look at that same day differently. It was a calling. Time to reflect.  Time to appreciate things that seem so usual; and most of all value and know that what you have is worth a thank you note above.

Today I could send a big balloon to the sky.  It would represent my belief that no horizon is too high… Because however deep we find ourselves buried to the ground, if you just have faith, you would still fly high.

So you. Yes you. See you at the top! 🙂

Pit Fall.

There are feelings that you can’t even put into words.
It’s been a long time since I have felt that…
That I ran out of words…
That my heart and mind falls into deep silence where no one could actually hear what it wants to say.

And I don’t know where those thoughts shall go… but one thing is for sure, I unexplainably love how it feels.

And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this

Live. LOVE. Let go.

Just when your creative mind became so exhausted of drawing ideas, you will come across something that would perfectly fit all the things you are looking for. In this case, how to describe my life. I think the title of this post is self-explanatory. I am sure. I am going to have this inked.

Now time to look for the perfect font and perfect spot.*Ohhhh! excited*

It would get BRIGHTER.

Right now, I just feel extremely tired.

Work drains me of energy. The part time does too.

I have a long-planned China-Beijing trip to attend on August but I cannot confirm to date.

I have a long list of things to take care of and my mind is having a hard time to lay out a plan.

I lost couple of bucks.

I haven’t talked to someone for a while.

I missed you. I missed him. I missed the way it was before.

For the longest time I have been perplexed by many conflicting situations. That sometimes, I think I am losing my “can do anything” mentality. That sometimes I spell DOUBT on my head. That sometimes I could just sit and think about all these things over and over again…

I know that everyday couldn’t end as how you wanted it to be. It gets more complicated when you really learn to stand on your own. More so if you bring along responsibilities with you.

I guess it is okay to hide under a cloudy sky… But what’s important is that you don’t give up. Never ever give up.

In time, you will have to try to stand up a little and just find the rising sun…